


every time you go away

by bevioletskies



Series: fic prompts & drabbles [7]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Brother-Sister Relationships, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sister-Sister Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-18 13:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15487035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bevioletskies/pseuds/bevioletskies
Summary: “It’s been six months since I saw you last.” Gamora’s fingers clutched a little too tightly to the microphone of the Benatar’s comms system. It was well past midnight - not that time meant much out in space - and everyone was in bed, but Gamora’s little nighttime ritual had become something of a religious habit for her. “As always...I can only hope that you’re out there, sister. And sometimes I think that maybe...maybe letting you leave was a mistake. I worry about you all the time. Are you...are you even thinking of me?” She choked out a small laugh. “I suppose not, since you’ve never responded to any of my messages. I...I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Nebula.”(Anonymous fic prompt: Gamora is jealous of Peter and Mantis’s familial relationship compared to hers with Nebula)





	every time you go away

**Author's Note:**

> Though this takes place before _Avengers: Infinity War_ , I do foreshadow some of the events of the movie, so sort-of **spoiler warning**. Fic title is from the song [Every Time You Go Away](https://open.spotify.com/track/05fHQeRbCSjKVS6z0WbQKJ?si=V0-xHBGzRwmsicMgbbgZHQ) by Paul Young.

Gamora had lived most of her life in forced isolation, where people were just out of her reach: namely, the siblings she’d grown to love and loathe, with Nebula, of course, being the most prominent of them all. Now that she was with the Guardians, it was an entirely different set of circumstances and rules, both comforting and terrifying at the same time.

Her newfound romantic relationship with Peter could be best described as _warm_ ; his embrace was steady, his smile was glowing, his eyes twinkled with equal parts fondness and mischief, and she couldn’t help but love him a little more each and every day. Still, there was a small void in her heart that Nebula had taken with her when she left the Guardians in pursuit of their father, a void that became more obvious whenever she saw Peter and Mantis together.

“Oh, man, your sleep powers would’ve been so neat when I was a kid,” Peter said excitedly during breakfast, a few days after they’d destroyed Ego. “I had real bad insomnia for a while after my mom died. She used to sing me to sleep, and it just wasn’t the same, y’know, listenin’ to the Walkman.”

“I wish I could have been there for you,” Mantis replied sadly. “But you would have _hated_ living on Ego’s planet. The cruelty I saw...what happened to your siblings...I wish I could have been stronger and helped them, too.”

“Well, you’re here now.” Peter grinned, reaching across to squeeze Mantis’s hand. “And you’re kind of my sibling, too. I mean, my dad raised you and all, for better or worse. So it’s like you’re my sister...sort of.”

Mantis perked up. “Oh, I would like that very much,” she said happily. “I always wondered what it would be like to have a brother of my own.” Her head dipped very slightly. “I never knew my birth family.”

Gamora, who was watching cautiously from the doorway, stepped into the room. “ _We’re_ your family now, Mantis,” she said softly. “If you’ll have us.” Mantis’s returning smile was infectious, and Gamora couldn’t stop herself from smiling back, even if there was an odd pit beginning to form in her stomach.

Things were a little shaky on their new ship, the Benatar, at first. Peter and Gamora were uncertain about whether they wanted to share a bedroom so early in their relationship, and Groot’s rapid growth rate was calling into question when he was going to need a room of his own. Sorting out what to do with their single bathroom, what rations would go in their tiny cooler, and who would go on watch at what time became long-winded debates that quickly evolved into shouting matches. Gamora’s balm for keeping herself from exploding at everyone (as she admittedly was oft to do) was spending time with Peter in what was now _their_ bunk.

“Who knew you were a cuddler,” Peter sighed happily, sinking his face into her neck.

“You tell anyone, and I’ll - ”

“Kill me, got it.” He laughed, tilting his chin upwards to press a kiss into the crook of her jaw. “So how long are we hiding in here today?”

Peter wasn’t always available though, which was understandable. After all, he was the face of the team and the pilot of their ship, and Gamora saw no need to stir up a fuss whenever he was too busy to spend time with her. She wasn’t the type to cling to him like some “starry-eyed waif”, as she had once said; there were plenty of other ways for her to bring herself down from confrontation and heightened emotions that didn’t involve him.

However, she did turn out to be the type that became a little...jealous.

And maybe jealousy wasn’t the right word, exactly. Jealousy implied she thought she was losing Peter to Mantis, which she knew was an irrational way to think. Mantis needed friendship and love and respect just like any other, and Peter being a caring older brother in no way compromised his role as Gamora’s boyfriend. No, Gamora had a feeling that the little knot in her belly was _envy_.

“It’s been six months since I saw you last.” Gamora’s fingers clutched a little too tightly to the microphone of the Benatar’s comms system. It was well past midnight - not that time meant much out in space - and everyone was in bed, but Gamora’s little nighttime ritual had become something of a religious habit for her. “As always...I can only hope that you’re out there, sister. And sometimes I think that maybe...maybe letting you leave was a mistake. I worry about you all the time. Are you...are you even thinking of me?” She choked out a small laugh. “I suppose not, since you’ve never responded to any of my messages. I...I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Nebula.”

It was no secret to anyone that Peter and Mantis clicked almost immediately, their outwardly upbeat nature and kind-hearted intentions being both infectious and hard to miss. Though Rocket was most wary of Mantis’s abilities initially, even _he_ grew to care about her like he did with all the others. Sometimes, all Gamora could do was sit back and watch the Peter-and-Mantis show whenever they felt so inclined.

“When I was little, I told my mom I wanted a sister,” Peter said one evening, when the entire team (sans Groot) was getting pleasantly tipsy on some wine coolers that Rocket had smuggled out of a packing crate from their last mission. “An’ she said, ‘baby, all I need is you’. Didn’t think much of it at the time, but she was prob’ly still mad that Dad never came back for her. For me.”

“It would have been a disaster if Ego returned to Terra,” Mantis reminded him. “I am glad it happened like this instead.”

“And I got a sister out of it, after all,” Peter said happily, holding up his bottle. “The best sister ever, too. Cheers to that!”

Everyone half-heartedly raised their glasses to meet his before knocking back a generous gulp of the truly awful-tasting liquor. Gamora watched with a soft smile as Mantis dissolved into a fit of giggles, sinking into Peter’s shoulder, though he was already barely able to hold up his own weight. It had only been ten months since they had defeated Peter’s father and recruited Mantis into their fold, but they were inseparable, like they had known each other their whole lives.

“Remember when we were...we must have been nine at the very most.” Gamora drummed her fingernails against the console, liking the way it echoed neatly around the cockpit. “I don’t know what planet we were on, but we were sent to train under Corvus for a few months. Just you and me. Our muscles ached, and our bones rattled, but we felt...happy for the first time in a while. We didn’t have to look over our shoulders for Thanos, we only had to look Corvus in the eye. And there were these trees by our camp that came into season, bearing fruit. We snuck out of our tent at night and harvested them by the handfuls, smuggled them under our clothes and buried them in the dirt underneath our pillows. It was the freshest food we’d tasted in months.”

She glanced around briefly to make sure everyone else was absent before continuing. “One afternoon, we returned to camp to find our entire tent overturned. One of Corvus’s guards had smelled the rotting pits. I was ready to tell him it was all my idea, but you...you told him first.” Gamora sniffled. “You could see punishment coming, and just _once_ , you didn’t want it to be you. I don’t blame you _now_ , but at the time...I wanted you to hurt. I wanted to drag you down with me. And so I pinned the blame of the rotting fruit on you, too, and Corvus made us sleep in the mud for the remaining two weeks we were there. It wasn’t fair...or right.”

Gamora swallowed. “There are so many things I need to apologize for, Nebula. Things I shouldn’t have said, things I should have told you. I don’t just want to be your sister...I want to be your friend, too. Come back...please. We can take him on together.”

With every mission that went by, the team really started to feel like a _team_ ; their arguments became less petty and more constructive, their good days stretched on for far longer than their bad ones. Groot was grumpier sometimes, and everyone had nightmares every now and then when they all remembered the horrors they’d faced before finding each other, but in an overall sense, things were good.

“Happy two years to us,” Peter mumbled almost deliriously as the two of them collapsed into bed on a crisp autumn night. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I’m too tired to have sex tonight.”

Gamora couldn’t help but chuckle fondly at the sleepy expression on Peter’s face. “And why is that?”

“Was...was teachin’ Mantis about some Terran kids’ games.” Peter gestured wildly with his hand, seemingly unable to form coherency verbally or physically. “When you guys were goin’ over the routes for our next...our next stop.” He interrupted himself with an exaggerated yawn. “Went out to that open field, and we did like...tag...hide n’ seek...hopscotch...y’know, that stuff. Even managed to rope Groot in for a bit.”

“She must have missed out on that sort of thing, growing up alone,” Gamora mused.

“I guess it’s a stupid question, but...you and Nebula never did that kinda thing, did you?” Peter winced, even as he said it.

“Definitely not,” Gamora replied, shaking her head. “Our childhood ‘games’ were about who could kill the other faster, given the chance. Sometimes, I suspect that Thanos only ever kept Nebula around to use as a bargaining chip over me.”

Peter sat up a little. “Really?”

“She’s still out there, hunting him down,” she said quietly, picking at the loose threads of their blanket. “If he catches her, he knows that I’ll have no choice but to come to him. There will be no more running away for me, as much as I want to.”

“You know I’ll fight that fight with you,” he said fiercely, squeezing her hand. “We _all_ will.”

“You might not get that choice, Peter.” She smiled sadly. “That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“We won’t let him hurt you, Gamora. And he ain’t getting Nebula either, not on our watch,” Peter promised.

Sighing, Gamora slowly combed her fingers through his hair, brushing the strands away from his eyes. “You may say what you mean, Peter, but they aren’t always promises you can keep.”

It finally came to a head one day, the morning after a particularly difficult job that had rattled them all. Everyone was still recovering, both physically and emotionally, trying their best to wipe the image of poor Groot catching fire out of their minds. Peter and Mantis were making breakfast for the team, insisting they deserved fresh food instead of prepackaged rations, while everyone else was spread out across the rest of the main level of the ship in uncomfortable silence.

“It’s okay, Gamora.” Gamora startled out of her own thoughts, not realizing Mantis had approached her with a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Do you need me to - ”

“No.” She jerked her shoulder out of Mantis’s grasp reflexively before sighing apologetically. “Sorry, Mantis, I know you want to help, but you _know_ I don’t like it when you do that.”

“Right, I’m sorry.” Mantis clasped her hands behind her back, smiling patiently. “Is there anything else I can do?”

 _You can stop being so kind_ , Gamora thought bitterly, but it was an awful thought to have and an even more terrible thing to voice out loud. “I just need some space, okay? Maybe you and Peter should keep each other entertained today. The rest of us seem a little...rattled, still.”

“You are assuming that both of us are not traumatized by what happened, just because we are trying our best to be there for everyone else,” Mantis observed, her voice tinged with an unusual hint of hurt. “Peter and I were up very early this morning, talking about how to help everyone feel better. I thought that maybe fresh food and my emotion-suppressing powers would do it.”

Gamora gritted her teeth. “You can paint yourselves in whatever light you’d like, but the truth of the matter is that we were all complicit in Groot’s near-death. Now if you’ll excuse me from the usual ‘Peter and Mantis did nothing wrong’ spiel, I have some legal issues to sort out with the Nova Corps before they come down on us for nearly destroying an entire power station to save him.” Mantis let out a quiet gasp of surprise as Gamora got to her feet and stomped up the ladder to the cockpit, unceremoniously slamming the hatch door behind her.

She took a few deep breaths, her hands still trembling as she sank into the seat usually occupied by Peter. Gamora reached for the comms system, and with a few screen taps here and there, she made contact once more, the static still crackling through the speakers, letting her know that the one person she _really_ wanted to talk to wasn’t there. “It’s been three years, Nebula,” she whispered. “Where are you?” She swallowed thickly, her fingernails digging into the palm of her other hand. “I’ve barely had time to breathe, but in between jobs, I spend all my time searching for you. Wondering if you died long ago, or...or if you’re very nearly there. If you’ve almost succeeded in killing him.”

“I wouldn’t fault you for doing it alone. It’s not like I was your biggest supporter as a child, either. The opposite, really,” Gamora added with a saddened chuckle. “If you were here...you would see what I see. People who care each about each other so deeply and so honestly, who barely knew each other just three years ago. I wish you’d stayed and become a part of that. Become a part of this family.”

“And speaking of family...I can’t stop myself from feeling envious whenever I see Peter and Mantis together. They are everything I wish we could be, Nebula. Our loyalty to each other was born out of necessity, but theirs is built on trust. Did we ever truly trust each other, sister? I mean, how could we, after everything we’d done to each other, both intentionally and unintentionally?” Gamora cleared her throat. “I’m responsible for you, Nebula, in more ways than one. For who you’ve become. For what you might be in the future. All I wanted to do was survive, and I never thought about what my survival meant to your livelihood. I see it now. I see everything.”

Before Gamora could continue on, the telltale creak of the hatch slowly opening behind her resonated through the room. She winced, covering her ears in anticipation as Peter’s head popped through, followed by the rest of him. “Mantis told me what happened. Are you okay?” She gave him a pointed look. “Okay, stupid question. How about - are you _going_ to be okay?”

“I feel terrible for upsetting her, but everything I said was true,” Gamora said quietly, watching as Peter sat opposite her. “It’s no secret that the two of you provide the spirit this team sorely needs, but absolving yourself of responsibility and guilt makes you no better.”

“We all deal with this stuff in different ways,” Peter explained with a shrug. “I don’t mean to act like I wasn’t a part of it. I just...I wanna move on. I already got enough death and _near_ -death to dwell on, I don’t need another.” He reached out to hold her face, running his thumb across her cheekbone. “I don’t wanna think about what I’d do if anything happened to you, Gamora. If I lost you.”

“And me for you,” she whispered. “And...for Nebula.”

Peter glanced over at the screen, his hand moving away from her face. “You’ve been calling her, haven’t you?”

“A lifeline into the void, so to speak,” Gamora nodded. “I don’t know if she’s really there. Or if she died a long, _long_ time ago. I wish I had insisted she’d stayed...except I don’t know if it would have made her happy. She would probably _hate_ it here, actually. She would see you and Mantis, earnest and bright-eyed and optimistic, and write you and your happiness off as a fantasy.”

“You know that you and Nebula aren’t ever gonna have the perfect relationship,” Peter said gently. “And, y'know, I'm sorry if me and Mantis haven't been makin' you feel good about it. We can be kind of...a lot, or at least, that's what Rocket told me. But I mean, you’re reaching out, trying to fix things, and that’s gotta count for _something_ , right?”

“It _has_ to.” Gamora’s eyes welled up, burning hot with unshed tears, as she finally let exhaustion wash over her, her shoulders slumping as she sank against the console.

Almost hesitantly, Peter reached over to rub soothing circles into Gamora’s back, eventually pulling her into his arms and holding her loosely while she steadied her breath. She wasn’t quite crying, but she was getting there, and the sight of her absolutely broke his heart. “I know we got that embassy job lined up for next week, but after that’s done, how about a mission of our own? We go find Nebula, and bring her home.”

Gamora lifted her head to meet his eyes. “Peter, we don’t have enough units to just go around and - ”

“If it’ll bring you peace of mind, then it’s worth it,” Peter insisted. “Besides, we can call up Kraglin and ask him for a loan. He’s been takin’ care of those new Ravagers for ages now, I’m sure he can spare us a few...thousand?”

She chuckled wetly. “Okay. Then let’s do it. Two weeks from today, we’ll - ”

“Sister?” The speakers crackled to life, and for a second, Gamora couldn’t breathe. “Is that you I hear being overly weepy again?”

“ _Nebula_.” Gamora practically jumped back into her seat, grasping the mic so tightly it nearly snapped off in her hands. “Nebula, you’re here.”

“You talk too much,” Nebula grouched. “I think Quill is rubbing off on you.”

“How long have you been listening?” Gamora asked, sniffling hastily.

“Long enough to know that I needed to rewire the comms system in my pod before you lost your mind,” Nebula replied dryly. “You’re dramatic, you know that?”

“Aren’t we all,” Gamora laughed. “Nebula, it’s...it’s _so_ good to hear from you. It’s been too long.”

“I have to admit, a familiar voice is something I’ve sorely missed,” Nebula confessed. “Though from what I’ve heard from your entirely unnecessary ramblings, we have a lot to talk about.”

“We do.” Gamora smiled. “But I think it would be better if we spoke in person. No misunderstandings, no secrets, just...honesty. And truth.”

“I suppose that would be okay.” Nebula paused. “But first...I might have some good news, Gamora. About Thanos. You know what he’s about to do. He’s finally ready.” Gamora swallowed, and for a moment, Peter wondered if she needed him again, but there was a brightness in her eyes that told him otherwise. She had who she needed most.

He stood silently, leaned over to briefly kiss her forehead, and made his way down the ladder to join the others, closing the hatch behind him to give her privacy. As far as he could tell, they were going to be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> One of my favorite things to write is a Gamora-centric fic, especially one that focuses on her and Nebula, so this prompt was one of my favorite ones I've ever received! I decided to forgo line breaks this time and let Gamora's monologues be the framing device, so I hope that didn't confuse the passage of time too much.
> 
> You can read this fic on [tumblr](http://bevioletskies.tumblr.com/post/176461806594/your-starmora-prompt-fills-amazing-you-nail-the) if you'd like, where I've also started posting _Infinity War_ gifs if you're into that sort of thing! I currently take Peter/Gamora and Scott/Hope fic prompts, including those for my own fic 'verses, [twenty questions](https://archiveofourown.org/series/823920) and [everybody wants to rule the world](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12841176), but I may be a bit slow to fill them during the next month due to finals season, working on my main fic, and my upcoming vacation. Thank you so much for reading, comments and kudos would be much appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed :)


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